Just sharing a few thoughts if I may. I’ve been pondering my abstinence, Greysheet, and life (as you do) and what occurs to me is that Greysheet really and truly delivered what it said it would do: for the past 2 years and some months, I have been recovered from binge eating. I haven’t had an episode of overeating compulsively a single time during that time.
Sometimes it’s helpful to keep my expectations of Greysheet in check, though. A much loved friend once asked me why, if I was recovering, I wasn’t getting well – i.e. why did I continue to need the medicine of Greysheet? Well, I don’t believe Greysheet ever promised to heal me or fix me. It promised to relieve me from compulsive eating and binge eating and it has kept that promise.
Frankly, I don’t think there is such a thing as fixing me. I am an addict; whether that is through nature (I was born with it?) or nurture (up to a certain point, I did have choices?) is completely irrelevant to me today because the fact is that I am. I can’t turn back time so the only reasonable response to the situation is to deal with it, as it is now. I don’t need to psycho-analyse myself. I don’t even need to know why. What I need to know is, “so what?” – and Greysheet has answered that question.
Again, Greysheet gives me recovery from binge eating. It doesn’t give me recovery from other addictions, such as binge chewing gum abuse, binge sweetener abuse… if I were an alcoholic, the Greysheet would not help me. If I had drug issues, the Greysheet wouldn’t help me. Greysheet only helps me recover from binge eating. I look at the 12 Steps as a distinct thing, they are not the Greysheet and the Greysheet is not the 12 Steps. They go together, and if I want to work on my character defects and addict personality then I am well advised to practice the 12 Steps, but no amount of 12-Step practice alone will ever relieve my compulsive overeating. I can do Greysheet without the 12 Steps, but I can’t do the 12 Steps meaningfully without the Greysheet.
I can do the Greysheet perfectly from Day 1. My practice of the 12 Steps won’t be perfect until my dying day and that’s OK.