Monthly Archives: June 2007

Hormones

I’m feeling almost guilty to complain about this, but I’m struggling with hormones!! I have PCOS and have not had a period in 18 months, so for all this time I have not had to struggle with this – and I’m not used to it! Now I’ve been put on the pill to bring on the period, because the body needs that, and it looks like the hormones are kicking in: I’ve just finished my first month on the pill.

I know others face this every month… but it feels new to me, I haven’t really had food thoughts in a looooong time… no real struggles, just happy to be abstinent… but the past few days have been difficult with food thoughts and random “let’s just pop this into my mouth” thoughts cropping up. Being irritated with everything and everyone doesn’t help, either. I feel like I’m having 18 months of PMS condensed into one!

I do what I need to do, of course, I pray, reach out, tell on the disease. But beyond that, I’m wondering, has anyone found a good way to minimise PMS? I mean, I’d rather not go through this again next month, or at least not THAT STRONG!! There must be some sort of home remedies… green tea? Vitamins? Please tell me there’s an alternative to shutting myself away from the world (and from food!) once a month…

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Last season’s clothes

Looks like summer is finally coming, and it’s the first time in my life as far back as I can remember that I find myself wearing the same clothes as I did the previous summer. I do have to watch my budget as well, so that really helps!¬†And, rather than being annoyed at wearing “last season’s clothes”, I’m actually overjoyed!

Such a privilege. I moved here 1.5 years ago and people here have never seen me look any different to the way I do today. The drawback of that is that they often don’t get the fact that I am indeed a compulsive overeater, and that what I do is not negotiable – they’ve never seen the misery, or the outer manifestations of it. But I know them. I keep in touch with Greysheeters, I sponsor, I am sponsored, and I’m keeping it green that way. It would be easy to forget otherwise.

But for today I know, I owe my freedom and joy to the program I do every single day, just for today.

Giving service

Monday I went to a meeting I’d been invited to, the directors meeting of the local homeless nightshelter where I volunteer. That volunteering has been such a great thing for me – I have a real connection with the guests, even though I’m probably as different from most of them as can be (most are men in their 40s-60s) yet I relate to them in so many ways. And they to me. It’s been wonderful building some relationships up there and being able to speak a word of hope.

They’re desperate for volunteers as apparently not everyone enjoys the work as much as I do (why?!) and especially to carry the responsibility of being directors they have trouble finding people willing to commit. That’s why they asked me to come to that meeting, to see if I’d consider becoming a director, being that with my marketing/fundraising background I’d probably be able to help in various ways. I’m still considering.

Anyway, the story I’m telling is this – I walked in, and who chaired the meeting? A man I know fairly well from AA! (I did keep his anonymity, of course). It just made me think… 12-Step Programs are really about giving back. He is doing that in a very practical way. That’s what it’s all about… it’s keeping him sober, and it’s keeping me abstinent.

I just love this program.

Managing life

My life isn’t unmanageable in the food sense, but at the moment I very much feel that my life is “unmanaged”! I keep trying to organize myself, but there’s work calendars and various personal calendars, commitments I have with my faith community, projects I do on a voluntary basis, etc. etc. and I can’t seem to get myself organized into ONE system!

I mean, I can write down deadlines and key dates, and I do, but I feel lost in a sea of unjoined tasks and to-dos. I’m single, so it’s only myself to keep track of, but I’m not even getting anywhere with that!

To everyone else who maybe felt that this wasn’t a Greysheet related post: it is! It’s a problem I only have *because* I am Greysheet abstinent, because now my life gets filled up with things other than food and the simplicity of desperation in the food fog is gone. I hope this encourages some newcomers. It should! Life is GREAT, I just wish I had more of a plan!

This awesome gift

I just want to connect with you. It’s so much easier to read the shares on Greynet and I really feel connected to those of you who share regularly, but if I don’t do it myself, then others can’t benefit from my experience, strength and hope the way I benefit from theirs. I know I mustn’t take Greynet for granted, it’s only helpful when people are willing to share.

But abstinence, right now, is such a given in my life. I’m blessed beyond words with an encouraging and loving sponsor, a willing sponsee, and gorgeous food on a daily basis! I eat what I love most, every single day, and guilt-free. And what does that give me? A body I can actually like, a weight BELOW my lowest adult weight ever (as of this month!), peace of mind and freedom.

Yesterday a colleague in the kitchen at work was eating lunch and reading a diet book as she ate her dry, unappetizing carb with nothing on it. I felt sorry – she’s not one of us, she’s merely a normal eater trying to lose a few lbs., so she can’t enjoy the solution of Greysheet… she goes from one diet to the next, I’ve been watching her. In fact, most women at my office do. I am so fortunate that I don’t have to look for a new solution every few weeks.

My solution works. This Greysheet works!! If you’re new and struggling, hear this – get yourself in gear and get through those first few days and weeks, give it 90 days, please! There is a freedom and a happiness on the other side like nothing else.