Monthly Archives: October 2010

Afloat but abstinent

I feel a bit afloat today. Last week I lost my sponsor and I have since been committing my food to other qualified persons, having now found someone who is willing to take my food every day on a temporary basis until I have found a new sponsor – this helps because it means I don’t have to call around several people until I reach someone who can take my food just for today. What is REALLY irking me is that this is the second day I have missed my call to this generous temp sponsor… I used to call my food in around mid-day and now it’s in the morning and I have forgotten until the time had passed, twice now. This doesn’t reflect AT ALL how important abstinence is to me – it’s the most important thing, so I cannot understand how I could possibly have missed the calls. All I can think is that in the morning I work on routine, on autopilot, and that’s how that happened. Argh.

I hope to find a sponsor soon. The GS community here is lovely, but small; plus, I will likely move to Dallas, TX within the next year or so (will know more by the end of November) and ideally I’d like to find a sponsor to work with long-term… hence, someone in the States, better yet, in TX. Or perhaps not – I’m praying that HP will show me the right person to approach, I’ve sent out a number of emails but no positive responses yet.

In any case – I would like this to be a positive pitch about GS abstinence. The fact is, I am still abstinent even in between sponsors; I love the fact that there is a community almost anywhere I go, and if I didn’t have abstinence I would not be facing the exciting opportunity to move to the States again. I’d be hiding in my house eating in secret shame. So, I’m incredibly grateful for this fellowship and the Greysheet.

The daily tools

I’m struggling with using the daily tools we are told to use in the programme. I had a great conversation yesterday with a fellow GS’er who related to that, and we have decided to have a daily phone call at the same time each day, to connect, to reach out. I find it hard to pick up the phone to three people each day. What do I say to them? I find it hard to make it to phone meetings because in UK time they are either during working hours or at 10pm, at which time I would normally be about to get to bed.

I find it less hard to write to Greynet, thank goodness for this invaluable tool. I love going to live meetings but the only one I have nearby is in London on a Saturday morning and sometimes I have to work at this time. When I can, I go.

Can anybody relate? I want to stay in the “middle of the herd” but I’m beginning to feel that familiar resistance to all this “extracurricular work” I need to do in addition to committing, weighing and measuring my food. I want to work a strong programme, but I also want to live a full life in the world I’m in. Would appreciate your thoughts if you have any wisdom, experience and hope to share.