I have committed my meals and I stick to them. Having said that, however, today isn’t easy. Somebody in the office brought in foods, and every time I have to walk past them I can’t seem to avert my eyes. They’re drawn. Of course I won’t eat those, but they set off the whole “woe is me” routine in my head.
Funny how I never used to seriously notice such foods when I had long-term abstinence. They just weren’t food to me. Now, on day 11, I’m having to relearn this – the fact that there simply IS NO debate in my head, because my commitment is made and I don’t revisit it. I had that then; when I let go of abstinence, I lost it, because everything was an option and I had to make decisions on the go. On Greysheet, I don’t make food decisions during the day as things present themselves. There simlpy are no decision to be made, therefore my life isn’t complicated by food.
I have made my decision to be abstinent, but the no-compromise, no-discussion mindset it something that comes out of back-to-back time… my subconscious simply learning through experience that no uncommitted (let alone non-Greysheet) food is even an option.
Now I know what the easier, softer way is for me: CONTINUOUS abstinence. It’s tough now, but if I tough it out, glorious freedom awaits again. I had it, and I have every reason to believe I’ll be given it again, one day at a time, as days accumulate. If this wouldn’t get easier, I’d never have the strength to do it! – But I know the reward of long-term abstinence. No starting/stopping/starting/stopping for me, that’d be suicidal.