I’m putting this question out to the group, hoping for some insights. Especially from longterm abstinent people.
I find myself being challenged about my eating by people who sincerely care, but don’t understand. To them, my compulsive eating is in my past – but I have taken Step 1 completely and I know better. The problem is… how do I answer them? They love me – I love them – they’re not trying to sabotage me. They’re trying to lead me into what they understand as freedom.
One friend asked me the other day, “doesn’t recovery mean that you get WELL at some point? How can you be ‘in recovery’ yet not get better?”
I don’t know how to answer. I know I’m a COE, but as a Christian, I am also called to believe in a God who is able to relieve me of my condition…
Today is not a good day. I’m back at the temping job I left… feels like a step backwards… and somehow, though nothing big has happened at all today, I’m feeling bad. Emotionally tired out. Depressed. I feel like I want to cry but I can’t find a reason.
In this mood, it probably wasn’t the best thing that I confronted my housemate about something she did yesterday: when I was already in bed, I heard her say to the others that apparently I really wanted my bike to get stolen, as I had forgotten it outside. I thanked HP that someone noticed, figuring they’d bring it in, since they had noticed and knew I was already in bed. Well, they didn’t.
When I came home tonight, that housemate was alone in her room and so I figured I’d just quickly speak to her and let her know I was disappointed. She immediately retorted that I hadn’t helped the other housemate clean up the living room yesterday. I wasn’t there to argue, and I told her so – better have it out in the open than festering in me. Also, a 200-GBP bike isn’t really fair to compare to cleaning a room… anyway. I left it at that. Now I think this has brought my mood even lower and I wish I hadn’t said anything.
Regardless of that… I’m emotionally drained and I don’t even know why. But eating would only make it worse… I don’t eat no matter what.
I just emailed my boss my resignation – I’ve been here for just over a month, and it’s just not for me. Which is fair enough: we’re still in trial period. He sat me down on Wednesday to tell me he didn’t think it was working out, and asked me to think about it. So I did, and this is my decision.
What I wasn’t prepared for was his kindness now: he just called to tell me he only wanted me to finish today, but will pay me through the following week to give me a chance to search for a new job. I never expected this, I was fully prepared to honor my commitment and work until the end of next week, as the contract requires. So I’m blown away!
Just goes to show that whatever I project doesn’t have to come true. I didn’t dread this very much, it’s not like I expected an angry outburst, but I certainly didn’t expect this. Just goes to teach me to give people more credit!
Abstinent and infinitely grateful for everything life has thrown at me.
I’m still abstinent, and I’m still a compulsive overeater – I weigh my three meals a day off the Cambridge Greysheet, write them down, commit them to my sponsor, and don’t eat anything I haven’t committed, no matter what. I make that my #1 priority for today.
Life is dealing me a few unexpected hands these days. I can face them all because I am abstinent. In fact, I can enjoy my time because I am abstinent! My new job hasn’t worked out, and I’ll hand in my notice tomorrow… it’s just not for me. Live and learn, and that’s okay: I gave it an honest go, and I have learned that I am simply not suited for sales. Fair enough!
I just cannot believe the kind of serenity I have about this, and about things in general. No fretting. A day at a time. Thanks to Greysheet!