Monthly Archives: February 2007

Temporary Sponsor

My sponsor is going through a rough time in her life at the moment and I’ve been leaving my food on her answering machine about 6 out of 7 days. We get along very well, but I’m beginning to feel that I’m an extra burden to her, and at this time I certainly don’t want to add to her load! I would hate to actually lose her for good, but I was wondering if anybody would be willing to sponsor me temporarily for a few weeks/months (this isn’t a quick-resolve issue, I’m afraid).

About my abstinence:

  • I am in effect an outpost as I can’t afford to take the train to meetings (I eat the cheapest food possible on Greysheet already – this is to tell you just how dire my financial situation is, as you’ll understand that the very last resort for any compulsive overeater is that of compromising with the quality/taste of food). I support my abstinence through AA meetings, the Greynet which I read religiously and reply to many people personally, and downloading shares from the Internet which I listen to, one per day.
  • I’m not struggling with surrender. I do this program because I am convinced beyond a doubt that it is what I WANT (and need, but more importantly, WANT). My abstinence today is serene and enjoyable, and is the foundation I build my life on – and my life is full!
    Abstinence comes first, no matter what. So I don’t need a “pep talk” – I could carry on leaving my food on voicemail and still be abstinent – but I miss the actual guidance and contact with a real, live sponsor who has the space and capacity to really work with me.
  • Right now I weigh everything. I’ll do whatever my sponsor does, though, I don’t mind either way. 
  • My weight is in a healthy range, albeit at the top of it, and I’d like it to come down another 15 lbs. or so. Am quite relaxed about it, I’m fine with my body as it is but it would be nice.
  • I am happy to call internationally, no problem. The only thing is that the time I will need to call is very specific, around 6 a.m. my time (i.e. West Coast 10 p.m., East Coast 1 a.m.)

Food and family

I say this, yet I’m having thoughts that I need to get out there so that they don’t fester in my head. I’m going to visit my family in Austria for a week right after the London Roundup (first week of March), and I keep wondering whether I should weigh & measure or not.

This is ridiculous – I’m COMMITTED to this program, I would tell anyone to just get over themselves, but if I don’t share it I’ll wear it.

The issue is that I went there only a few months ago in August, right before I became abstinent again. So I wasn’t weighing my food there, and I was certainly overeating on foods that would have been abstinent (never did go into sugars, grains & starches). My family saw the weight I had lost since they last saw me 2 years ago – before I EVER got abstinent – and so now I don’t look different at all, but suddenly I’m coming back with a scale… it won’t make sense.

I looked like I had all that freedom and everything together. I didn’t, but they didn’t know that. I don’t know how to explain to them my need to weigh & measure! But I know that if I don’t weigh & measure there, why would I do it again on my return? Where would I be when I get back, mentally? Not even to speak of physically.

I want to be abstinent. I never realised that my family and what they think of me still hold such power over me!!