A big N-M-W!

Susanne here, two weeks abstinent today, grateful too. Still W&M’ing 3 meals off the GS and committing them.

Boy, am I wanting to eat today. And yesterday. I lost my wallet, with everything in it – cards, driving license, social security card – everything. What’s worse, is that most of my bank cards are from my home bank in Austria, and there blocking a card is much, much more difficult. You need a police report filed that you’ve lost it, and you need to go there in person, and there’s no way I can do that. I just called them and blocked it for today (one day is possible), then I’ll need to call again tomorrow and see what we can do. There’s fees ahead, and I have no cash or money in the bank to begin with. My savings at this point total just under $400, and that’s in a bank account I can’t reach.

As for my US account, I called them and they’d be able to get me a new card by tomorrow if I were able to produce two proofs of ID, which I’m not as all of that was in my wallet. I only have my passport right now. So since I can’t give them the ID, they’ll mail the new card to me and it won’t be here until April 14. How will I live until then???

This isn’t just frustrating, it’s difficult. How will I get new bank cards from home? How will I survive the next 7 days without cash? I haven’t even begun to think about getting a new driver’s license yet, it’s the same procedure back home… police report to file, personally go there, bring photo and ID, etc etc – none of which I can do. I can’t go home now, because I don’t have any vacation days left plus I couldn’t afford the trip to begin with anyway.

You have no idea how enticing the thought of numbing myself with food is right now. Numbing myself, blocking out the problem, with just about anything in fact – wouldn’t have to be food, necessarily, I’d take just about anything right now. I’m not a drinker, but a smoke sounds just lovely right now. Though I consciously know that I can’t knock myself out at this crucial time, that I need to be in this and organize my stuff, escape sounds so tempting. And yet, I won’t. I’ve got my wonderful sponsor behind me.

But right now, all I want to do is cry and plead with God to produce a miracle and get the wallet back to me. It’s no use. I’m at work and trying desperately to smile at people (I’m the receptionist).