I am away from home at the moment, due to work: staying at Bed & Breakfasts, eating food bought ready-made from the supermarket as I have no cooking equipment or fridge. So, breakfast each day is excellent (cooked), and lunch/dinner is less than stellar, but that’s OK. I’m keeping it simple. Tomorrow I go home for one day, then off to another exhibition away.
This week I have been going to live AA meetings for the first time since getting abstinent this time. I was so uncomfortable with the idea of going to AA again in my hometown, where people had seen me before I relapsed… so I lived in phone meetings. This week I took the opportunity to go to AA in a place where nobody knew me, and I feel like I’ve got hooked: the meetings I have gone to have been speaking to me so deeply, I have such a craving now to be part of that community again. Yesterday several people spoke about the importance of the fellowship, one chap had been sober for 18 years and said he was still doing five meetings a week because he LOVED it. That gave me such a tug – I WANT this! My sponsor has been abstinent for ages and still puts the fellowship first. That is what I had not done, and why I lost my abstinence.
My attitude has been that I have a commitment to doing those meetings, because I have to, because that is what keeps people abstinent in the long term; but it felt very much like chores, like brushing my teeth in the morning: not something I’m particularly excited or happy about, just something that needs to be done. I saw a kind of joyous fellowship, love of being together, in the meetings I went to this week and that attracted me more than anything. People shared so positively, and they just loved being there… that is how I want to approach the fellowship from now on. I get to be part of a world wide fellowship; wherever I go, there are people (AA or GSA) I can call on; what a privilege, and what a wonderful thing to be able to be part of!!!
So I’m definitely going to prioritise live meetings from now on. I’m hooked.