It’s 4:30pm and I am starving. I have been drinking much less water today than I normally do because I have decided to drink plain water (as opposed to calorie free soft drinks) and that may well have something to do with it. On the upside, I have just walked past a mirror and I could swear I can see a difference in my weight. Then again, it may be my eyes playing tricks on me (i.e. feel hungry = must be thinner!)
I have to remember I am not a normal eater. My friends all are normal eaters; they are thinner than me, and they eat foods we don’t eat without a problem. It makes me feel resentful and left out, and their carefree easygoing attitude to food makes me feel like I’m uptight and high maintenance and no one will ever put up with me. I do wish I was a normal eater…. but, today I have a solution that works. I know, after a year of experimentation until 67 days ago, that I will never be fixed and will never be sane around food the way others are; I have let go of the idea that I ever will be; but I’m not happy with that fact.
However, feelings are really neither here nor there: I’m abstinent today, no matter what.