I didn’t write yesterday. I had committed to, but I didn’t. But I’m still abstinent.

There’s something about abstinence that is different. I commit to other things on a no-matter-what basis (like writing to Greynet daily in October, or exercising daily) and I fail miserably – yet somehow with the food I don’t. I can only accept this as a gift from God because it’s definitely not something I accomplish.

I wish I had a no-matter-what switch and could just do what I really wanted to do on a consistent basis. Perhaps I should learn that through abstinence, learn the ability to commit no matter what and stick to it. But I haven’t learned it yet… I don’t know if I ever will, because it’s not a switch or trick or skill… just a gift.

Or perhaps I should give myself some grace to be non-rigid about various things in my life that aren’t life-threatening. The food is… everything else isn’t. Yes, that’s a new thought, I think I’ll ponder it for a while.


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