Two lifelines

My two major lifelines for abstinence are Greynet and my sponsor.

Greynet is huge in my life. I’m an outpost, and I do phone meetings, but the way I connect the most with others is through Greynet. When it was about to shut down at the end of August I got incredibly stressed about that. It’s vital, and the way it works and is administered is part of why it is such a great resource to me. The rules can be bothersome, sure (I’ve been on moderation more often than not, I think), but I would much rather they err on the side of caution than let things through that might jeopardise the spirit of this “online meeting”, cause division, or worse: endanger the abstinence of another compulsive overeater. I know the moderator (and ex-moderators) have been thanked many times, but they deserve it every day – because they do serve every day.

As for my sponsor, she’s the personal connection and accountability for me. It’s one thing to be one in the crowd of Greynet, but it’s another to share the details, struggles, and joys with one person and be known. Be transparent. I have always hidden: in food, behind baggy clothes, behind my competences or strengths, behind professionalism… with my sponsor, she has known me for years now and hiding doesn’t work. I don’t want to hide, but there certainly is a tendency in me; working with her, sharing with her, takes that out of me because I choose to be open with this one person, knowing that I am safe there.

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