Recent NMW’s, well, I had to think about that. I normally have a very settled routine and even when I’m travelling, I have learned to prepare, plan and protect to the point that I haven’t had any logistical troubles with food in a long time. Sometimes that’s just luck… such as today when I had my dinner in my suitcase, so I could eat it on the train journey home (if the suitcase didn’t arrive, I would have had the inconvenience of having to eat an hour later than I wanted to, but no problem) – technically it is not allowed to take fresh food from the EU into the UK, and could cost a fine. It was a risk I’m willing to take, though… they never check.
So any recent NMW’s I have faced have been internal, within myself. Two things come to mind… when two members of my family were here to visit me, I experienced for the first time (that I could identify) the strong urge to eat “at” them, to spite them, just because I let myself have “the dubious luxury of resentments” – they are who they are, but my reaction and attitude is mine to choose and I didn’t make a conscious choice until that desire, that urge to eat “at” them, came to the fore: and that shook me. Not because I might have been close to picking up, I really don’t think I was, but because I’d never experienced that before.
The second one that came to mind was and is my continuing frustration and my weight, which has jumped 5 lbs. this month – UP. I am frustrated, disappointed, angry… all of them are emotions that may make me want to eat… but at the end of the day I know I have nowhere else to run, it’s either this way or UP UP UP without stopping, and into misery. I don’t want to go there.
Well these NMW’s are why I need the fellowship… I’ve recently been connecting really well at my Sunday night AA group, which has been so helpful. Face-to-face meetings, there’s really no substitute.