I definitely have all-or-nothing thinking, and I love the paradox of Greysheet. How can I ever explain this to a civilian if I don’t even understand, myself, why the all-or-nothing-ness of Greysheet works when in absolutely every other context this kind of thinking is unhelpful? Why does it work with Greysheet?
I think that it’s because Greysheet works with my character defect (of all-or-nothing thinking) rather than against it. Before I got abstinent, how could I have worked on my character defects while still in the food? How could I ever have got rid of my character defect while caught in the insanity of compulsive overeating?
And now, my most basic character flaw is my greatest strength. I can channel all my all-or-nothing thinking into Greysheet abstinence, where I can be as all-or-nothing as I want (as it’s my default to be), and that gives me the freedom to work on my other stuff… to let go of some control needs and perfectionism and all-or-nothing-ness. I’ll still be able to indulge that particular character defect and so I may not ever be completely perfect – I don’t consider Greysheet the perfect solution because the reality is, it is a restriction and not complete freedom – but I will not be perfect until after I’ve died, so that’s OK. I can be at peace and I can do as well as it is in my potential to do, but perfection? Never.
I suppose it’s grandiose to think I’ll ever get rid of all my character defects. I actually don’t believe it’s possible, or perhaps even desirable: Greysheet utilizing my character defect of all-or-nothing thinking is teaching me that I can make (some of) my character defects work to the good, in a positive way.
But generally, as I said, it is a negative thing. I’m struggling with exercising: either I do it, totally, or I don’t, at all. Not helpful! But even with this I’m making progress, I’ve been walking to work most days but not all days. Walking is good, and every time I do it I do something positive for myself – even if I do drive the next day. And then I walk again the day after.