Topic: the answers are not in the food

Thank you for this week’s topic. How very simple, yet profound, the fact is that the answers truly are not in the food… and I never knew! I looked to food for absolutely everything.

I truly believed – deep down, although not necessarily on thought-level:

  • eating the right things would make me thin (NOT eating was never an option for this COE!)
  • eating would give me something to do when bored
  • eating would take my mind off a nagging problem so I didn’t have to face it
  • eating was immediate, right here, taking my mind off the future and my fears for it
  • eating would cheer me up if I was unhappy
  • eating was my way to celebrate if I was happy
  • devising, tweaking, and analysing the perfect diet gave me a sense of purpose for my life
  • eating was a problem I thought I could tackle, so I didn’t have to look at the big issues in my life

Of course, as a compulsive overeater, I have an excessive focus on food and that has carried into abstinence. How often have I been amazed at my sponsor’s, or another qualified GSer’s, suggestion that my present problem may not have any relation to food! This is especially true when there’s a physical problem, like I have a flu or the stomach pain I’ve been experiencing: I immediately blame the food. No matter that it could be a virus – I look to the food first. I always thought food would fix me; even before I got abstinent, food was never just “the enemy”. It was also the comforter, the thing that would fix it all, the good guy. I just had to get it right! Thank God today I don’t have to tweak anything, get it right, or wonder if I got it wrong. I eat what the Greysheet tells me to eat, that’s all.

I had a laugh with a GS friend the other day, who shared about her fear of not being able to date while abstinent. I pointed out that a date doesn’t have to involve food – perfectly obvious to me, but a novel idea to her and she burst out laughing. Duh! But that’s the way I am, too. Often others will see something perfectly obvious that I have related to food for no good reason at all. That’s why this community is so great!

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