Thank you for this week’s topic. How very simple, yet profound, the fact is that the answers truly are not in the food… and I never knew! I looked to food for absolutely everything.
I truly believed – deep down, although not necessarily on thought-level:
- eating the right things would make me thin (NOT eating was never an option for this COE!)
- eating would give me something to do when bored
- eating would take my mind off a nagging problem so I didn’t have to face it
- eating was immediate, right here, taking my mind off the future and my fears for it
- eating would cheer me up if I was unhappy
- eating was my way to celebrate if I was happy
- devising, tweaking, and analysing the perfect diet gave me a sense of purpose for my life
- eating was a problem I thought I could tackle, so I didn’t have to look at the big issues in my life
Of course, as a compulsive overeater, I have an excessive focus on food and that has carried into abstinence. How often have I been amazed at my sponsor’s, or another qualified GSer’s, suggestion that my present problem may not have any relation to food! This is especially true when there’s a physical problem, like I have a flu or the stomach pain I’ve been experiencing: I immediately blame the food. No matter that it could be a virus – I look to the food first. I always thought food would fix me; even before I got abstinent, food was never just “the enemy”. It was also the comforter, the thing that would fix it all, the good guy. I just had to get it right! Thank God today I don’t have to tweak anything, get it right, or wonder if I got it wrong. I eat what the Greysheet tells me to eat, that’s all.
I had a laugh with a GS friend the other day, who shared about her fear of not being able to date while abstinent. I pointed out that a date doesn’t have to involve food – perfectly obvious to me, but a novel idea to her and she burst out laughing. Duh! But that’s the way I am, too. Often others will see something perfectly obvious that I have related to food for no good reason at all. That’s why this community is so great!