Not magic, but miracle

I like the topic, “Not magic but miracle”.  The word miracle is sorely overused, as someone else observed – not just in the rooms of AA, but everywhere.  And yet… it’s more true to use in a 12-step context than in most other situations.  I would define miracle as something supernatural, that could not have happened in the normal realm, under natural laws.  So, if someone was blind and suddenly receives their eyesight back, then that’s a miracle.  If they are blind and a skilled surgeon gives them their eyesight back, then that’s not a miracle (surgeons work within natural law, after all).

Lots of people wrongly use the word miracle for things that are perfectly natural… whereas when AA uses it, I think they do capture its proper sense.  Under natural law, could I have got abstinent?  I realize that’s a debatable issue, but I know in my heart of hearts that the answer is no.  I have tried more diets than I care to remember; I have followed food plans and failed.  What the 12-Step programme adds is the supernatural dimension, the missing piece – going beyond natural law.  I didn’t take control of my natural addiction.  I surrendered control to a power greater than myself, greater than my nature, and the miracle happened.

Funny how that miracle is actually, in this definition, almost something predictable.  If I fully surrender to my higher power in Greysheet – which takes care of the natural (my particular food allergies/addictions being taken out of my menu) and adds the supernatural – then I can fully trust that the miracle will happen.  Maybe because it’s not my personal experience, I have trouble getting my mind around those who claim to have surrendered, yet are unable to get abstinent.  For me, surrender has always been the doorway and it’s not a trick door: it always opens when pushed. (I have had three Day 1’s, and every time I took back the food it was my free choice, not because the miracle stopped working).  The thing is, surrender itself is probably a gift from our higher power rather than something we can achieve on our own.

Therefore, as I see it, surrender is the key to the miracle – and without surrender, the miracle won’t happen.  I’ve been struggling so much with diet sodas and chewing gum (both of which are currently down, thank goodness).  The problem is surrender – and I know it!  I struggle because I am unwilling to acknowledge deep down that I cannot drink soda / eat gum like other people do.  I was able to do that that with food, but not with these substances.  That’s why, even if they have been down for weeks, I keep picking them up again… one or the other or both… because I believe I can have them like other people, only to be proved wrong again.  So I have to keep praying for surrender, because once that is there, I fully trust that the miracle will follow.

I’m not sure if this post is really entirely on topic, but I felt that was what I needed to write.

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