Planning my life

First of all I’m very grateful that I did indeed manage to exercise today.  I know how little that matters in the grand scheme of things but for me it’s a big breakthrough today.
Also, I’ve been spending some time thinking about the grand scheme of things.  That probably comes with the territory of facing big upheaval and change ahead, that re-assessment of what I’m actually after and what I’m trying to do.  Where I’m going.  When I was eating, I was going absolutely nowhere – oh I did have plans and hopes and dreams, but they changed all the time and even if I did achieve something I wanted, I could not enjoy the achievement because I was, in the very core of my being, defeated.  Abstinence is surrender to defeat – and suddenly I am no longer defeated!
Anyway, so I’ve been following this process which I found really helpful, to make me look at the big picture and what I want at the end of the day, not just what I want in the short term.  I’m very good at planning the next right thing, follow momentary interests, but I often fail to consider where the road I’m on is leading me.  So it helps to look at the destination I want to get to, and then figure out which road is best to get there.  What I found helpful for me was to list the five most important things in my life, my priorities – and they are in fact not *things* but *persons* (or groups of people, i.e. family, and I even included God) and how I want them to remember me when I die.  What do I want to put into their life while I still can?  What do I want them to take away?
I’m still in the process of doing this, and it feels like a mammoth task – much like my 4th Step did, though future-focused – but it already feels like my eyes have opened.  And let me just say, I fully – 100% – credit abstinence with the fact that I get to do this, that it is such a positive experience, and that I can look toward the future with lots of hope rather than defeatism.
I do this, no matter what!


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