After a wonderful week on my own, house-sitting in a beautiful mansion-like house with only a (purring!) kitty for company, I have never felt so refreshed and clear – I was able to hear myself think, disconnect from many things, and connect with myself. Interesting that this should be the week themed around community.
I have to admit, I don’t connect with the book at all so I also want to make amends to the group for any negativity that may have come through from me. I have tried not to be too critical, for the most part I simply ignore the reading when I share and just share on the topic. It’s strange, as I do enjoy the shares from people but the book itself is a waste of time for *me*.
Now as for community, again thanks all so much for your shares – so much I resonated with. I have always been very receptive to community, although I don’t seem to be too bothered about peer pressure… as in, I absolutely adored my high school class when I was about 16/17, there were only 16 people in it and rather than forming sub-cliques we were all one group of friends. I thrived in that environment. Due to the way my life went after that, though, I became very isolated (my aunt made sure of that) and was no longer able to find comfort in groups outside my home, because I simply wasn’t allowed to be part of them. I think that changed me a little, in that I’m now much more self-reliant and not as much in NEED of a group.
However, when I became a Christian, the community I encountered there was instrumental in attracting me to Christianity in the first place. If I had not wanted to be part of that community, I would never have researched the claims of Christianity to the extent I did, nor would I have probably had the humility & incentive to take action about my findings and convert. But the food always did isolate me from everyone else, even those people who otherwise became my group, my community, my family.
And then I found Greysheet, and suddenly there were people there who understood – who had this in common. Mind you, I had to learn that with many individuals, the food was the ONLY communality we had. I won’t be friends with everyone and it’s not a very united group, that’s just not its nature, and it’s not supposed to be. So I find that to some degree I have to limit my experience of community with everyone that I interact with, each group has its limits where relations and experiences just don’t match. I’ve come to believe that a total match – group and me – doesn’t, and never will, exist, as long as I keep my individuality; and that is OK, that is just the way life is.
I’m glad to have this group, and all other groups I am a part of, but today I thank my aunt for all the pain she put me through because it did make me individual – I am *happy* in community, but not in *need* of it at all times. I can choose.