Honesty with self

I’m somehow very good at giving people the impression of being incredibly self-disciplined – all my friends/acquaintances consider me that.  And I don’t think it’s because I try hard to come across that way.  I do expect to be “found out” any time… maybe my own perception of myself is skewed, I wouldn’t be surprised: maybe I really *am* self-disciplined.  But probably not.

I do like to “treat” myself.  Before abstinence that was with food… but even while abstinent I can use things to “treat” myself and I don’t believe that’s always a bad thing, why not indulge and make myself feel good every so often, but the key here is MODERATION and every so often, rather than over-the-top and all the time.  I can definitely overdo it with sodas, chewing gum, and shopping.  I don’t do debt, but if I do have money it seems to burn a hole in my pocket until I spend it: and I don’t spend large amounts at once, but little and often, which adds up and I end up with nothing to show for all the money I spent.

This is certainly an area of honesty with self.  I have started to take out cash for my groceries and use only that, a set amount per week, because if I put it on the card it doesn’t have that fixed limit and all those little indulgences add up really quickly!

I can easily get too hard on myself, too introspective, so I do need to be careful not to take “honesty with self” too far.  I don’t need to go over my every motive, every thought, every idea with a microscope.  Need to get on with life, while at the same time never turning a blind eye to my behaviours, because things are much easier to catch when they’re small – if I don’t examine myself, things can grow in that dark, and one day I’ll turn around and they’re huge issues.  So it’s a balancing act.

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