This was a long weekend here in the UK, today being bank holiday, and the entire weekend I did… very little at all. On Saturday, I surfed the Internet a lot, chopped my vegetables for the week, participated in my AWOL, went looking for summer clothes in some charity shops, and read a little for my studies. On Sunday, I went to church, then shopped in town, visited friends in the afternoon. Today, I did nothing all morning (surfed the Internet), finally got myself out of the house in the afternoon – all the way to Starbucks, where I finished reading what I needed to for my studies.
Writing this down, it actually sounds like more than it was. It was a thoroughly unproductive weekend.
It was good, because it was abstinent… I finished the things I really needed to get done… and yet, why do I feel guilty or pathetic? I’m ashamed for lounging around lazily before my housemate. She also didn’t do much this weekend, but I still feel ashamed she should be witness to the fact that my life isn’t all that exciting.
Not sure why… I’m putting it down in writing and that helps me see the ridiculousness of it all. I have had such pressure lately, and it’s still there (studies – exams are in less than five weeks), and it’s perfectly legitimate to relax. Why do I feel bad about it, when I know I needed it… I was getting so exhausted and its’ much better now…
Abstinence is giving me a full life, but I need to learn how to manage it. It’s no longer unmanageable, but it sure does need managing.