Honesty with food

Because I make being abstinent a priority, I get a number of direct blessings (what another GS’er recently called “Greysheet Magic”):

  • relief from the constant debate in my head – how much is enough?  Can I eat that?  Should I not?  What is OK to eat?  etc. etc.
  • hours at a time without a single food thought
  • peace about ENOUGH and an ability to bear the sensation of hunger, knowing the next meal will satisfy
  • relief from worry about my weight – it’s no longer my problem
  • two beautiful, yet very different, sponsees who both challenge and help me 
  • a wonderful sponsor whose input I have come to value greatly, and not just with regard to food
  • a community of people who really, truly know what it’s like and who don’t need endless explanation of why’s and how’s (not that civilians ever get it, anyway)
  • a chance to become a better person as I work the 12 Steps, going through life with eyes wide open

This, and much more, is what I get as a direct result of being GS abstinent.  And I have no illusions about the fact that I can only maintain this gift through rigorous honesty – if I made a decision on my own, then I would soon have to make another decision as to whether to make my own decision or rely on my sponsor / the program for the next one… and after that… and soon enough the food would occupy 100% of my mental space again.  Even if I wasn’t eating.  (but it wouldn’t be long until I eat)

At the end of the day, this to me is a spiritual program and I dare not disturb the spiritual peace it brings me.  Physically, an extra bite won’t hurt me.  What’s an extra leaf of something?  It wouldn’t do a thing physically, but spiritually it would wipe out my peace immediately.

Thank goodness for this program, thank goodness for the willingness I have been given to work it rigorously and honestly.  It gives me a life!

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