What a relevant topic, isolation. I’m good at isolating.
What I’m reminded of today is that my disease is one of isolation, of hiding, sneaking, and lying. Of living two lives, a pretend one and a miserable one. Abstinence and recovery is learning how to live just one life, to be the same person on my own as I am with others. My food problem is out there: when I eat with others, they know. Before abstinence, I would maintain with all my might that I didn’t *have* any problems (despite the fact that my extra weight would be clearly obvious to all).
I don’t get to isolate a certain part of me any more. So I have to choose what I do with the whole of myself – do I isolate, or participate?
I’ve learned that I’m not going to be best friends with everyone in program. People in Greysheet are as diverse as any group of random people – as the Big Book says, we’re like survivors of a boating accident, people as different as can be but united in our one problem and its solution. This is the one and only thing I have in common with every one here. With many people, that’s the only thing I have in common with them and that’s ok. Then there are some who share more than that with me, who I connect with, who I make friends with.
But I’m not here to be in a social club. I’m here to save my life. If I get to make friends along the way, good! But it’s not a requirement.
I thank God for this solution, and I am here because I need to be part of the group, be accountable and transparent, having people call on me and know that I’m here; people who would realize I was missing if I dropped away. I am not strong enough to do this on my own – I get into my own head and there is no more dangerous place than that. I can convince myself of anything, rationalize anything… but GS’ers will mercilessly (mercifully!) point out my defective reasoning and give me perspective again. I need that. Just God and I – I’ve tried and failed. I need people.
Thank you all for being there.