This week’s reading… the line that stood out to me was about how we used to trust our substance. Truly, that was the only thing that would remain constant for me – and not just because other people would let me down, but also, or more so, because I would let MYSELF down all the time. I would change my mind and go back on my own promises to myself without a second thought. I treated myself with much less integrity than I would ever, ever treat another person. No wonder there was nothing to trust in… nobody outside of me, and not even myself. Only the food.
I believe the reason I can trust in the process of Greysheet is two-fold: a) I can SEE the evidence of it working in people who have been abstinent longer than I; and b) every time I keep my promise to myself (and God, and my sponsor) to have a particular food for a meal, I build my own integrity.
So I trust this process… a day at a time… and because I have been given this gift, of understanding that this is what I need, that I can choose not to ponder other “possibilities” – I don’t even go there, mentally. I have recognized my help, and I want to keep my eyes firmly on it because I have a clarity that I do not want to lose.
If this translates to the rest of life, what I learn from it is that any solutions, any help that is presented, can be recognized by two things:
a) I can see the fruit of it in others who live it
b) it is something I can do a day at a time, a little at a time.
Not sure if this is 100% clear, but I think that the key to recognizing help is not only to recognize and take it, but to KEEP it when I’ve found it.