Trust

I’m relating this week’s reading very directly to my experience of Greysheet because I have weighed in this month with an increase, which has been going on since August and I have gained almost 8 lbs. in total since then.  This is a worrying tendency (and my sponsor has adjusted my food this month).

But, I affirm that I trust in the process.  Trust that this trend will not continue, that my sponsor knows what is best, that my body will find balance again eventually.  That I have to surrender to the process: surrender my body to the Greysheet, and my mind and spirit to God to give me peace about this.  I must be surrendered because the alternative is manipulation: taking power back into my own hands.  I know too well where that leads.

I trust myself enough now: my experience has taught me that I am capable of being trustworthy when it comes to what food I put into my mouth.  That is an incredibly powerful thing, albeit small in the big picture – I can translate that experience of faithfulness on my part to other things.  I can learn to be faithful in other small things.  I do tend to overcommit myself and then let certain things slide, and I have to learn how to commit only to a selection of things – making sure I am able to follow through on each one.  That will build my experience of being faithful and trustworthy, which will in turn help me to trust in many other processes other than food.  It’s life.

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