Thought & Action

The sentence, “Any excessive indulgence opens me up to feeling I can do it all, have it all, control it all – ego-whip the world with my will.” – this is what jumped out at me when I read this.  That is so true.  The moment I give something up – food, soda, gum… something else will come up all the more insistently.  “Oh but you’re not doing THIS any more, why not do THAT instead.”

What I have to learn is how to live WITHOUT the fix, wherever the fix comes from.  God needs to fill that fix-hole.

Easier said than done, of course.  And I have to take the action myself.  That’s so true – I remember, when I was eating, WHILE on a binge was the time that I was the most committed to quitting.  Even as I was eating!  I’d just finish this binge but after that there would be NO WAY I would eat like that again.  It was *during* binges that I would be the most resolved to quit.  But I have learned that no amount of commitment or resolve actually does the job.  I have to put the food down and not pick it up again.  Feelings, commitments, resolve – all doesn’t matter.  I can be as uncommitted to quitting as I want, as long as I don’t pick up, I will succeed.

Not sure if that makes any sense.  I’m just trying to say that feelings & emotions are totally unrelated to my success.  I have to surrender and do the action of NOT doing my thing.

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