One year, one day

It’s one year and one day of B2B abstinence for me today.  I have hit one year of abstinence before.  Three months later, I left Greysheet.

Today I’m in a different place.  My abstinence is different today: it is the foundation of my life as I know it, instead of – last time – being all-consuming in my life.  I stand on abstinence to build a liveable life, but I don’t make my life about abstinence.  I have many interests, goals, issues that have no relation to abstinence or Greysheet, except that if it wasn’t for my Greysheet abstinence I wouldn’t have any of them.

What has Greysheet given me?  I could draw up a 100-point list, or simply say, it has given me a life.

I won’t repeat my eating story – if you wish you can read it here – http://www.greysheet.org/qual40.shtml.  I wrote this on my one-year anniversary, and yet, three months later I was not abstinent any more.  I descended into a hell of dieting, trying to do it on my own, and eventually binge eating returned.  In the time I wasn’t abstinent, I never once touched sugars, grains and starches and YET I was overeating and undereating and going mad and thinking about nothing but food, food, food 24/7.  My body may not have reflected the change, but my mind was DONE, my spirit was DONE…

My abstinence today is very different.  I make a point of connecting with other Greysheeters who have what I want.  I make sure I have a life.  I learn what my own preferences, needs, and wants are and I am beginning to understand that they are legitimate things to have.  In a lot of ways, I am growing up.

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