My last email to the group came from such a desperate heart. I just expressed the raw emotion that I hadn’t even processed yet… just the numbness. The act of writing it and reaching out, however, was in itself so healing already – this group is my lifeline in so many ways, calling for help on here was the most natural thing to do.
Since then, my sponsor has been guiding and gently prodding me, so I could learn from the experience and process it constructively. I have so much to think about, my patterns, my behaviours, ways of relating to people… and I am thinking about all those things and humbly asking God to work with me, one day at a time, to change me.
How is this psycho-babble relevant to Greysheet? Simply put: it is only because I am ABSTINENT no matter what that I can even become aware of my character, let alone work on it.
In the food, my character is perfect and life sucks and everyone else sucks and I’m a victim. (yeah.)
In abstinence, suddenly I’ve got resentments and fears and shortcomings… but one day at a time, I also get freedom and joy and even love. I’d say that’s worth it.