Body let me down

It was only last week that I posted about sensible exercise. Now I’m so frustrated with my body, I could cry.

See, a good specific goal to work towards – actually mentioned by several people who responded – would have been for me to sign up for a race later in the year. Running is the one kind of exercise that works for me (needs no equipment, no teacher, no schedule, you can just do it, and I enjoy the sweat/out-of-breathness/effort!), so I was really attracted to that idea and would absolutely love to do that.

Now my body’s not cooperating. After only a few days of running – not even at big efforts, I’m talking about 10 minutes every other day!! – my right knee is already aching. This is an old injury that has been keeping me from getting into running before. Basically, whenever I try to get into running, this pain will come and gradually get so bad that it wakes me up at night and impairs my driving… it’s not at that point yet, but I know the pain, it’s familiar. This is what will happen if I keep going.

My immediate impulse was/is to just keep on running – not because I think it’ll go away, but to punish this frigging body for letting me down like that. Or to toughen it out, to prove to myself that I’m tougher than that. Right now it doesn’t even hurt all that much. I have to tell on this thinking because it’s not sane.

So my impulse would be to just carry on, tell nobody. Now I’ve told. But it leaves me back at square 1. MAN I am so angry at this body.

But I don’t feed it, except with Greysheet food – no matter what.

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