“I need…”

I am an addict. I know it and I’m taking action about it. The Big Book tells me that the answer is found mostly in *serving* OTHERS rather than myself. Praying for OTHERS rather than myself. Concerning myself about OTHERS rather than focussing on MY needs, MY wants, MY preferences.

That is how those first alcoholics got sober. They served and focused on God and other alcoholics. That was their recovery, the essence of their recovery.  I feel that sometimes I get concerned with “my recovery” as such, analyzing my behaviour, analyzing my needs, but I don’t see any of that in the Big Book. Pop psychology is not helping me.

  • As an addict in recovery, I need” nice people around me. The Big Book says to pray for those I get upset with.
  • As an addict in recovery, I need” my relationships to be smooth. The Big Book tells me to keep my side of the street clean.
  • “As an addict in recovery, I need” to be taken into consideration.
  • “I need”
  • I need”

That’s me. But I don’t think that’s my recovery speaking – that’s the kind of self-centered thinking that got me here in the first place, the food itself was just the symptom (it could just as well have been drugs or alcohol; it’s the personality).

The one thing “I need” is to learn to let go of me, me, me and actively seek to serve others, to actively turn the other cheek, to adjust my attitude rather than judging people or even walking away from relationships because “my needs” aren’t being met.

There’s balance, of course, I’m not meant to become a masochist and I know that. But my recovery, I believe, is found in looking OUT, not IN. Grateful to be abstinent today. Only because the food is down, I get to work on those issues.

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