Food and family

I say this, yet I’m having thoughts that I need to get out there so that they don’t fester in my head. I’m going to visit my family in Austria for a week right after the London Roundup (first week of March), and I keep wondering whether I should weigh & measure or not.

This is ridiculous – I’m COMMITTED to this program, I would tell anyone to just get over themselves, but if I don’t share it I’ll wear it.

The issue is that I went there only a few months ago in August, right before I became abstinent again. So I wasn’t weighing my food there, and I was certainly overeating on foods that would have been abstinent (never did go into sugars, grains & starches). My family saw the weight I had lost since they last saw me 2 years ago – before I EVER got abstinent – and so now I don’t look different at all, but suddenly I’m coming back with a scale… it won’t make sense.

I looked like I had all that freedom and everything together. I didn’t, but they didn’t know that. I don’t know how to explain to them my need to weigh & measure! But I know that if I don’t weigh & measure there, why would I do it again on my return? Where would I be when I get back, mentally? Not even to speak of physically.

I want to be abstinent. I never realised that my family and what they think of me still hold such power over me!!

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One response to “Food and family

  1. Nice blog. I’m a guy and I was introduced to Greysheet in 1974 in OA and to the Greysheet Communitty in Cambridge in 1979. I first got Greysheet abstinent about 1983. I full blown relapsed several times but ten years ago I got abstinent on a modified Greysheet program, and have not returned to full blown compulsive over eating since. However, I did do the same thing you did after your initial recovery. I gradually stopped weighing and measuring – first just not in restaurants, then not salad vegetables when at home, then not cooked vegetables, then not proteins, then not fats. This gradual slipping away took several years. In the end, I wasn’t measuring anything. I never binged but my portions at meals grew and grew and so did my waist line. Like you I never picked up grains, flour, sugar or starches (Thank God I learned about the alcohol = fermented carbohydrates addiction susceptibility from Food Addicts Anonymous – this wasn’t a distinction I learned in Greysheet) so I never triggered the mental obsession and the physical compulsion but I was overweight and growing. I saw the light in the fitting room at Sears when I couldn’t close pants chosen in the size I thought I was. Slouched on the bench infront of the big mirror, looking at my protruding belly I accepted the truth – I either return to weighing and measuring without exception, following a plan of weights and measures for all my food or remain fat and get fatter. I came home and wrote down my amounts and have been following it ever since – one day at a time. The funny thing is I always liked weighing and measuring and I really don’t know why I stopped. Every tiny exception expands and expands on itself. Weird. I’m an amounts addict.

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