I am so, so relieved. So grateful, too. It’s a hard-earned victory, I feel like. Realising that I would struggle, I still went to celebrate Christmas at a friend’s house – I know how accommodating they are and that I would have no problem getting my food. There was never a problem anywhere except in my mind. It would have been so easy… so many times I wanted to reach out and eat, eat, eat (oh I never dream about “just one”, I want it ALL). I did not. Yesterday there was a party and temptation was so strong, food was all around and I would have simply joined the crowd, but what kept me was knowing the sweetness of waking up the next day ABSTINENT. I did that.
I woke up this morning, clean and clear and abstinent. Today it wasn’t hard, we ate leftovers (phenomenal abstinent veg and protein!) and it was generally a low-key day. I think the reason it was hard for me yesterday was that I get bored in groups. Oftentimes it’s just a matter of sitting around, waiting for time to pass, chatting about uninteresting things with people just to make conversation. There’s the odd gem that holds my attention for up to half an hour, but then it’s back to waiting – and eating is what I want to do when bored. Keeps me occupied.
So, I just wanted to check in today, having just had a lovely abstinent dinner, to say that I made it through Christmas Eve abstinently and I feel like a million bucks for it now. Thank you God, thank you Greysheet community. I didn’t feel that I could call anybody, and I should have made arrangements with a few people who would be safe to call (I’ll know for next time) but I texted another Greysheeter whose support kept me going when I was nearly ready to let go. I was close to the edge, way too close for comfort, and I need to take better precautions next time. Nevertheless, I feel that I have built abstinent muscle.