My despised body

As I’ve been reading the jubilant shares of those who weighed in with a loss this month (congratuations!) I was once again feeling let down by this body of mine. This is an old attitude that I am slowly and consciously working on changing.

My body holds on to weight like a bulldog (which is a hormonal issue, I have PCOS, thank goodness I now know there’s actually a problem rather than just my body’s stubbornness!). So I was disappointed again, I didn’t lose anything this month. Or the last. Or the one before that. And the past month I have been, once again, hitting the gym in an attempt to exercise it off. It’s not going.

This month, at first I was defiant and told my sponsor that since it doesn’t make any difference anyway I might as well not exercise at all this month. She didn’t challenge that attitude (to be fair, understandably she’s as much at a loss about what to suggest in this situation as I am) but the past few days I have decided to treat my body with respect – DESPITE my feelings of frustration and anger at it. Doing the actions and perhaps the feelings will follow. So I went to the gym this morning, not to exercise, but to go to the Sauna and relax.

So I just want to say, because I need to hear myself say it, the SANITY I get by being on Greysheet has to outweigh my VANITY. I have such serenity and peace now, mentally, when it comes to food. Not when it comes to weight, obviously… but the food, the food, the food.

Thank God it’s down.

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