Still counting days, feels like they’ll never add up. But I know they will.
Day 19, I’m at work, needing to reach out. I’ve been using lots of gum and soda, but for now that’s OK – whatever it takes to be abstinent. What I haven’t done, really, is connected with greynet again. So I’m here now.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with a condition that affects hormone levels and is known to cause insulin resistance as well as difficulty losing weight (or weight gain). This explains a lot. I’ve had this condition for almost a year now – the first part of this I was still abstinent, and one of the reasons I was vulnerable to losing my abstinence (among other reasons) was that my weight hadn’t dropped in three months.
Now, perhaps I will get treatment for this (I say “perhaps” because it isn’t life-threatening, and knowing the health system in this country, if they can get away without doing anything, then they will).
I’m just so frustrated that I gave up over one year of abstinence partly because of this. And I’m also frustrated at this condition and the fact that I work my a** off in the gym and eat Greysheet (or low-carb before that) and this is what I get for it. Others doing the same would look like a rail. I want to punch something.