Picking up on something that struck me from another share, about looking for the one perfect food that will satisfy me. I remember that feeling. My head would repeat the words, “I want…” but trail off, not really knowing what it was, but I HAD to have it, and I was willing to go through all kinds of food in hopes that one of them would finally, finally hit THE SPOT. (yes, that needs to be in capitals.)
When I was finally so full that there was no way I could humanly put any more food into this body, I still wasn’t satisfied. THE SPOT was still yearning. Nothing ever hit the spot enough to satisfy me enough so that I would finally be calmed down and filled, and able to think of other things than food. Nothing did that for me.
It’s not that it wasn’t *enough*. It just wasn’t the right food. It didn’t hit THE SPOT, and because of this, I had to keep trying.
Today, every time I eat, I get satisfied. Miracle of miracles! Being a compulsive overeater, it has to do with the food, even though I’d like to say that I finally got so spiritual that THE SPOT was filled with God, my higher power. I think that’s the whole eventual goal of the program, and I’m not far into it, but my mind can’t wrap around this huge concept yet. For now, it’s the food. The food, the food, the food. I’m realizing how blessed I am that I have such an easy access to spirituality, to finding the solution to “I want…”: Food. Food is not the enemy, it’s the solution, but only when I’m in Greysheet.