Feelings, schmeelings

Found a car, will (hopefully!) get it tomorrow. Friends will lend me the money. 🙂 Not that I’m happy I’ll have to add a budget item every month for two years, but I certainly AM grateful that I got it.

I was so absorbed in the whole car thing that I failed to mention yesterday that it was actually a tough day for me to be abstinent. August 1 is my mom’s birthday, she would be 64 today (OMG I can’t imagine, that’s OLD! – she’ll always be in her late 40s/early 50s to me). Historically, no matter how well I was doing, I binged on that day. Which is strange because I don’t actually miss her all that much, it’s been a long time, nine years… but apparently still enough to binge myself out of those feelings.

Well, not this year.

Feelings, shmeelings, anyway. I never know what I feel like until I see my reaction. If that sounds weird… that’s how it is, seriously. If you ask me how I feel, I’ll usually draw a blank. I only realize that I’m depressed when I find myself staying in bed all the time and not wanting to do anything. I will find out that I am sad because I find myself binging. But I won’t FEEL the sadness, depression or so… I just find myself acting on it. These days, of course, I don’t find myself acting on it when it comes to bingeing, but feeling on edge.

But, and my inner addict probably knows this by now… I don’t eat, no matter what. Have a great day, all.


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