The phonebridge saved me this weekend. Me, the most unemotional person in the world, I found myself crying desperately over having to give up the dog I wanted to pick up from the rescue. My landlady doesn’t allow it. I still barely believe I had such a breakdown over this, but I did (and I could scarcely believe it DURING the breakdown! lol). I picked up the phone and, while I was walking the dog (for an hour and a half, poor pooch), I listened to the voices of reason, and it helped calm me down. I still cried myself to sleep later, but it helped.
The strangest thing about it all was the fact that with all the crying and sadness, I did NOT want to eat! I mean, I would usually lose my appetite during painful times (when my mom died, then when my stepmom died, and so on) but even without the appetite I would STILL turn to food. Can’t explain that one – it doesn’t make sense, but that’s because I am insane with food. Now this weekend, I didn’t want to turn to food, I couldn’t, and I sat in front of my dinner for what must have been two hours, just praying for willingness and the ability to eat it. And it was MUCH, way too much, it took all I had to keep it down (and I have never thrown up food).
Well, now… the dog is back at the rescue, I am looking for a new place to live that allows dogs, and my car is officially on its last leg. Turns out it wasn’t the oil change after all, it just coincided with my transmission dying. Right now, the only gear that works OK is the fifth, so imagine my despair in trying to get there. The screeching and scratching in all other gears is deafening and I literally stop traffic (people get out of my way before and behind me, in case I blow up!). I am still driving this car, though, until it actually does die – what other choice do I have?
But I still don’t eat. No… matter… what.