I sure had my commitment tested yesterday.
I stayed at a friend’s house over night, and in the morning I realized that I didn’t have my key. Now on my key right, there are all my keys – work, home, car. And I don’t have any duplicates. I’m not normally the kind of person to lose things, ever – so when this key was missing, it was majorly upsetting to me. My friend was so relaxed, she loses things all the time, said that they mostly turn up eventually… but it stressed me out.
So after spending half the day searching through her house, her car, my car… calling the grocery store I’d been to on Saturday… I eventually called roadside assistance that comes with my cell phone, to get a locksmith to come. The lady I spoke to was really trying hard to help – but after trying 16 (!) locksmith businesses, and none was open or available, she had to give up.
That left me with two options: have my friend take me home, have another friend pick me up in the morning for work & take me back after work, have that first friend pick me up from home to go back to her place where my car was, and call roadside assistance again Monday evening. Major hassle for everyone involved, plus my first friend most likely wouldn’t be able to make it on Monday evening (there are quite big distances involved in all this).
Second option: stay at my friend’s, call roadside assistance Monday morning, and as soon as they’re done go to work (come in a bit late). Problem: I didn’t have dinner for Sunday and breakfast for Monday, and they didn’t have a kitchen scale. I eventually resigned myself to having my friend take me to Walmart to get a kitchen scale (money wasted on TOP OF the locksmith cost!), and on our way I said let’s go to the grocery store so I can hassle them in person, because you never know. So we went, and they had the key!
Now this is late Sunday afternoon. The entire day was nothing but stress and anxiety over this stupid key and my food. Knowing that I might have to eyeball my food since they had no kitchen scale (this is before I made up my mind to buy one), I was so tempted to just throw everything away. A la “if I’m going to eat unweighed food, I might as well eat anything”. When I finally got the keys back, it really hit me just how stupid and unnecessary it would have been had I given in to that. But it WAS my first impulse. Sheesh, that mind of mine is so sick.
Good thing I know that. Made outreach calls, complained and whined, but did not eat. In hindsight, it was a good lesson that brought back to my mind that I still have this disease. Being inactive in it has a way of fading away that awareness. But the disease is still there, it is, and it’s strong. It’s only thanks to uncompromising Greysheet practice that I have control over it… and today I’m more committed than ever to practice CGS no matter what.