Day 87: Food dreaming

I had a bad night tonight. Another food dream (my second since I got abstinent) – I was convinced in the morning that I had eaten. Had to really examine myself… and then, relief… I think this was brought on by seeing people eat one of my favorite binge foods at prayer meeting last night (I couldn’t help watching, but tried to stay away as far as possible). The food I ate in my dream actually was totally different, but nevertheless. It was weird how even in the dream I couldn’t stop eating once I started, I was loving it, shoveling food in my mouth – except that I didn’t feel any of the fullness/pain/mental horror that comes along with eating. I was just happily eating myself into oblivion without feeling any of the drawbacks. That’s dangerous ground, because that’s not how it is in reality.

In my waking moments, I work had not to “romance the food” – that’s a phrase I heard on one of the GS CDs from one of the retreats and it has stuck with me ever since. Romancing the food is so dangerous! I can’t help my mind going there sometimes, but once it’s there, I can consciously redirect it. And I do that. I can’t dwell on foods. I can’t go to recipe websites and salivate over pictures of foods I can’t have (I used to do that while dieting). Now, my subconscious still wants to romance the food and that’s why it’s coming out in my dreams, but I’m so happy it’s not real.

Oh, and another good news bit: I went to a website today researching faucet water filters (because I always drink tap water) and this company was having sweepstakes, so I entered, and it said I WON! I should receive their newest faucet water filter in the mail within 6-8 weeks!! And I normally NEVER win ANYTHING!


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