Day 50: Shutting up my inner addict

I don’t want to say that I had a terrible weekend – it was ok – but I certainly did have a NMW yesterday. Interesting to observe my own internal dialogue as it happened.

By my own fault, I got myself a flat tire yesterday. Somehow made it into a gas station, which has a tire shop attached, but because it was Sunday, that was closed. Nobody at the gas station could help me. I remembered that I had roadside assistance through my cell phone plan, so I made that call. In the meantime, waiting for help to arrive, I was thoroughly upset. I can’t afford a new tire right now. I just don’t have the money, period. I beat myself up because it was my own fault I got that flat in the first place. Of course, being that I was at a gas station… and you know what kind of stuff they sell there… well, I went in there and got myself some diet soda and a black coffee (which they actually gave me for free). Then I waited, and the help came less than half an hour after I made the call, and they installed the little spare tire (which isn’t a real tire) and I could drive off.

What went on in that half hour, internally, was interesting to observe… it was like,

Inner Addict: “I’m upset, let’s get some food.”
Voice of Reason: “Why would I want to add a new problem to the one I already have?”
IA: stunned silence.
VoR: “Besides, if I can’t afford the tire, I can’t afford food either.”
IA: stunned silence.
VoR: “Add to that the fact that I REALLY, REALLY want to have my Day 50 tomorrow.”
IA: stunned silence.
VoR: “Now, f*** off.”

Well, today I’m here, I’m strapped for money, upset at myself, but I’m abstinent.


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