Day 22: After the RTT

I’m back, I’m baaaack!!

Finally they fixed the server at work and I get to post again. Boy, have I missed this, and reading all the Greynet posts… I’m catching up now. It was tough not having access to the greynet, but I did get through this weekend – and several situations that went with it – abstinent and exceedingly grateful.

The weekend was actually one of the best I’ve ever had. I’m still digesting it. It was a get-together of all the churches that relate to mine on the East Coast, which meant I got to see my New York pastor and his wife again, who are family to me. With them came one man, also from NYC, who I – now I don’t quite know how to express this – have had on my mind for over a year now. While my pastor couple left right after the Saturday morning session, he got to stay until Sunday afternoon and so I had time to show him around my new home area – in the most beautiful weather – and we had time to catch up & talk. I just cherished the time and that Saturday, didn’t have time to eat dinner until something like 11pm (we went out to a restaurant but only had coffee). At that time, still not hungry, I had to remind myself that it’s not GS-okay to *not* eat, because my addict mind would start going wild. So I had my food, late as it was, by myself at home when I got there and woke up the next day abstinent.

Today, Monday, I’m sad that he’s gone again, and working hard (yet again) on viewing this man as a friend and brother only – which I also tried when he was here, but that was kind of unsuccessful (I’m only talking about feelings here – not acting on them in any way), but now I have time and distance to do this. It’s hard, hard work, but dwelling on might-be’s and analyzing… it’s just not healthy. My very wise pastor’s wife in NY told me, about a year ago: assume no interest until verbally stated otherwise. That has helped me a lot, saves me from overanalyzing things.

So, in a somewhat melancholic mood I weigh & measure my food for today, realizing that abstinence is the reason I was able to be present and have such a wonderful & memorable weekend.

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