Moving into abstinence

Finally going for freedom from this madness. I have known about Greysheet for about a year, yet it wasn’t until this week that I finally got to the point of surrender – Greysheet demands nothing less than that.

In the spring of last year (2004), I had just found Greysheet meetings in NYC and was elated – I went to meetings, had a wonderful sponsor who I met in New York even though she lived in Chicago, and felt like I was moving forward.

Today, this spring, I am living near Washington DC and my life is good on the outside, but in the hidden place, I’ve returned just to where I was. Life has improved much, for me – a job I enjoy, a church family I’m growing to love, much less stress than I had when I lived in New York. This has, somehow, carried over to the eating as well. I am not nearly as violently in the food as I used to be. But still, I admit it, I certainly don’t have control over my food. After I moved, I went back to dieting, thinking that I shouldn’t have to weigh and measure everything. Turns out I do, I need to.

So I’m back to Greysheet – not out of sheer desperation and looking for the last straw, but more out of an objective realization that this is what works, what I need, what I will (and want to) live with every day of my life. Or rather, only today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

I can’t say that I’m GS abstinent today, because I have no sponsor. I haven’t found any meetings here in my area, nor do I have the phone number for the phone meetings. What I can say is that I weighed my meals today, and will not eat anything else no matter what. If I sound strong and “together” today, trust me, when the food calls to me I’m not. I do need help, not only from my HP but from others like me.

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