Susanne here, abstinent and exceedingly grateful, on day 12 today. I weigh and measure 3 meals a day off the GS, commit them to my sponsor, and don’t eat in between NMW. Abstinence is the most important thing in my life today.
A dozen days! You’ve got to be kidding me… ME? Ever?? Days have a way of accumulating whether you’re bingeing or doing the right thing, I suppose. One bite turned into a day binge, which turned into weeks and months, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that it also works the other way round, just way more constructively. There’s work involved, but it’s so worthwile. I haven’t respected myself this much in years, and I’ve never been so thankful to the Lord. I can’t begin to pray and thank enough, even if I made that a full-time job!
A lot of things have happened in those days. I haven’t emailed the Greynet in about five days, so let’s catch up… went to meetings on the weekend, connecting some more with the wonderful fellowship of GS. I lost my sponsor, too – she left me a message, and the first time around I wasn’t really concentrating and my heart sank… I thought she was telling me she was bumping me back to day one. (That day, I hadn’t reached her live and left her a voicemail with my food, and then called another qualified person to commit my food). I had to listen again, and in fact it was her who was bumped back – I later spoke with her, and I think she’s fairly okay, w&m’ing again. I’ll see her tomorrow night.
This is just such a sad thing to see… but an inspiration also, because knowing myself, if I were to be bumped back to day one, I’d have a serious battle with “what’s the use”-thoughts… as in, now I’ve been provided an excuse to binge until I’m desperate enough again to start fresh. Sick thinking, but I know my twisted mind. So to see her bounce back like that is very inspiring.
I’ve found a new sponsor now, with who I also really connect and for who I have a lot of respect. So things have worked out well.
In other news… I’ve been battling food thoughts severely for the past few days, and yesterday finally figured out why – duh! It’s that time of the month. I always used to eat before and during. As a matter of fact it’s remarkable that I’ve been able to stick to GS throughout – purely by the Grace of God, not me. No matter how well I’ve done on diets in the past, that time was always the end. But GS isn’t a diet, it’s life – and all the fellowship, I just couldn’t face my sponsor or the people I’ve met in person if I were to give in. GS works, it truly does.
Which is why I’ve signed up for the Chicago retreat, yay! Sending out my check today. I can’t say I can afford the trip, but hey, it’s a couple of months to go and until then I’ll figure out a way. There has to be one, HAS to.
Thank you all for your support and also for the journaling emails – lots of inspiration in there, I think I’ll start doing that! And everyone, please keep the email shares coming.